Gramática & Redação

Children usually like me because of my enormous size; it tends to impress them. I have big ears, a big nose, big legs, and a huge body, which makes me one of the largest animals in the world. I purr like a cat, as a means of communication with other animals of my species. Humans cannot understand us, which is excellent because we do not like nosy people. We have enough of nosy friends among us, already.

However, I like to amaze humans with some of my special features: I am able to cry, play, laugh, and I hug people whenever I feel happy, and because of this I am well known for being a social creature. Besides, I can also run and swim, proving that appearance is not everything in life. It is also important to say that I do not have a good sight though my sense of smell is great and when I wave one part of my body, I can smell even better.

Talking about my life, I am an herbivore mammal, so in theory I shouldn’t scare anyone even though I do. My gestation period lasts long 22 months, which is insane. I have to wait almost two years to see the face of my child. I wonder whether humans could be that patient. I also live a quite long life, from 50 to 70 years. It may not sound that long to you, but please remember we don’t go to work or school, so it is a long repetitive life. I usually spend my days with others of my kind in a herd. We like to eat salt and roots and we really love water, especially to take a shower.

I have a highly developed brain, three or four times bigger than a human brain; humans might say it is irrelephant, but it means the world to me. I believe that is why they always refer to me as proof of good memory, a compliment I always enjoy receiving. What I do not like is when they mention me to suggest that there is a topic in the conversation that nobody wants to talk about; I find it quite disrespectful. Nevertheless, what I hate the most is the fact that humans kill so many of my kind for just two little bits of us—it is an absolute outrage. It makes me feel awful. I am an endangered species now, but I just hope this will change in the near future if men decide to be as smart as I am and stop killing beasts pointlessly.

I find it absolutely amazing that having been born weighing only 150 grams and measuring about 15 cm, which means I can fit in the palm of a hand, totally furless and pink, toothless and blind, I turned into this adorable giant mammal covered in soft fur. I come from a big ancient country; actually, it is the third largest in the world, where I am considered a national treasure. Unfortunately, despite this exalted status, I am an endangered species. There are only about 1,600 of me in the wild and only about 100 living in zoos around the world. Scientists say that I can live to be around 30 years old. I do not have many predators; my main enemy is man, though.

I simply love eating. I spend about 14 hours per day eating and I sleep for 2 to 4 hours between my long meals. I am an omnivore. I eat grass, wild fruits, small animals, fish, and specially that delicious smooth, light and straight but strong plant, which accounts for 99% of my diet. I use my huge paws to hold my food and eat in a cute and lovely way. And, of course, I love walking barefoot. Because of my low-energy diet, I avoid stressful situations and exertion. I run away from danger and evade stronger competitors by climbing trees.

I am a good climber and I can also swim although I prefer the comfort of shallow slopes and solitary living, getting together only to mate. My temperament is most often docile. I rarely attack men or other animals, and, when coming across them, I prefer evasion. On the other hand, when it comes to my holy and untouchable cubs, I burst into rage at small things such as seeing by babies being watched by visitors. We give birth to one or two babies every two years and they stay with their moms for 18 months before venturing off on their own!

Unlike most others of my kind, I do not hibernate. When winter approaches, I head lower down my mountain homes to warmer temperatures. Lying on my stomach, stretching my paws and rolling up into a ball is something I often do, which makes everybody feel like cuddling me close. This big ebony and ivory furry body looks simply irresistible. Always popular, I have even been featured on the big screen—a blockbuster, needless to say!

When the sunshine rises beautifully, yet intimidatingly, my journey immediately starts. I’m originally from the northeast of Brazil; my favorite habitat specifically lies on the margins of the amazing São Francisco River or in the forests nearby. As I mentioned before, my day starts early in the morning and at this time I’m very hungry, and my belly is usually grumbling exaggeratedly, so my dear flock and I—as I’m never by myself—look for oily nuts, watery coconuts, delicious cashews, or, when those bad creatures destroyed part of my habitat, I can eat corn.

My day is really long, looking for food and new places to settle down if any other species destroys our nests, but, close to the stunning sunsets, we’re back together in our skillfully-dug holes in at tree trunk. My life is amazing, I have freedom and I’m everywhere in a matter of seconds just like an arrow. It’s really exciting that I can see everything from high heights. Unfortunately, however, those giant creatures do not respect my existence, so I’m gradually becoming extinct.

When I’m about seven years old, I’ll probably have chosen my true love for life at this significant age. I’m very loyal and very committed to my family. While my loved pair seeks food to feed our precious future infants, I’m there focused on our currently expected successors. I usually stay there for about twenty-eight days looking forward to seeing our gorgeous firstborns. They’re usually three, but, unfortunately, one of them hardly ever survives. They’re very fragile. That’s why I chew the food and then I give it to them carefully. They demand a lot of care, but, after three devoting months, they can slowly start their journey though still with a little help.

After about six months, they’re a pair of show-offs, with their sociable charm, and attractive blue feathers—darker than the sky and lighter than the ocean. In fact, a unique blue in our boundless nature. To tell you the truth, we are all beautiful and naive, which explains how those bad giant creatures deceive us in a supposedly friendly way, and then chase us terribly and finally hunt us down and sell us in the depressing illegal market. It is hard to adapt to that, so, sadly we’re fading away.

I simply love eating. I spend about 14 hours per day eating and I sleep for 2 to 4 hours between my long meals. I am an omnivore. I eat grass, wild fruits, small animals, fish, and specially that delicious smooth, light and straight but strong plant, which accounts for 99% of my diet. I use my huge paws to hold my food and eat in a cute and lovely way. And, of course, I love walking barefoot. Because of my low-energy diet, I avoid stressful situations and exertion. I run away from danger and evade stronger competitors by climbing trees.

I am a good climber and I can also swim although I prefer the comfort of shallow slopes and solitary living, getting together only to mate. My temperament is most often docile. I rarely attack men or other animals, and, when coming across them, I prefer evasion. On the other hand, when it comes to my holy and untouchable cubs, I burst into rage at small things such as seeing by babies being watched by visitors. We give birth to one or two babies every two years and they stay with their moms for 18 months before venturing off on their own!

Unlike most others of my kind, I do not hibernate. When winter approaches, I head lower down my mountain homes to warmer temperatures. Lying on my stomach, stretching my paws and rolling up into a ball is something I often do, which makes everybody feel like cuddling me close. This big ebony and ivory furry body looks simply irresistible. Always popular, I have even been featured on the big screen—a blockbuster, needless to say!

I see myself as a king: I’m pretty, spoiled, interesting and selective. To please me is never easy since I have my own preferences and my charming way to walk around your legs or jump over the furniture. My relaxing massage on your belly can melt the coldest heart. There are many breeds of me in the world. Our colors, shades and types of fur may differ from some friends I have to even my siblings and parents. I can be seen living in different habitats and enjoying all kinds of weather, and believe it: I can do somersaults even when it’s not hot and sleep on top of any of your electronic devices to keep me warm.

My body is so flexible that stretching my articulations is one of my favorite hobbies. My posture, as well as my body language, communicates my emotion and mood, and I will be docile, or fierce, depending on the way the world reacts around me. The truth is, I am not dumb and do not accept being mistreated, so, if you treat me well, I’ll be your company and return all your love and dedication to me. However, if you treat me badly, I can be your worst nightmare.

When I love you, I am kind and sweet but please do not try to carry me all the time, holding me like a baby or locking me forever in a closed place. I love fresh air and my freedom has to be considered when you adopt me. My secret is: I am able to love without suffocating you because I’m free and I let you free to love me too.

Besides, I can surprise you in many ways: I’m a hunter and very sensitive to sound. My hearing also acts as a direction finder, which is useful for hunting purposes. Definitely people as well as some other animals can’t listen better than me. In addition, my vision is pretty good too. I’m skillful—I can all sorts of movements such as walk, run, leap, jump, sometimes even crawl and stand up. You will never know what I am up to till you see it.

Unfortunately, people sometimes get me wrong saying bad things about me and referring to me using many negative adjectives. They don’t know what they say most of the time. Although they accuse me of being selfish, I swear I am not. Others may say I’m cold, self-seeking, lazy etc. It can be funny to hear that sometimes because many people don’t know that I only act according to my will. Consequently, I’m frequently misunderstood. They should do not judge me if I always look for comfortable places to live, or weather I think of myself first. I feel that should be their attitude too. The thing is, I’m only a mammal that needs your love and care, so love me or leave me!

My day is really long, looking for food and new places to settle down if any other species destroys our nests, but, close to the stunning sunsets, we’re back together in our skillfully-dug holes in at tree trunk. My life is amazing, I have freedom and I’m everywhere in a matter of seconds just like an arrow. It’s really exciting that I can see everything from high heights. Unfortunately, however, those giant creatures do not respect my existence, so I’m gradually becoming extinct.

When I’m about seven years old, I’ll probably have chosen my true love for life at this significant age. I’m very loyal and very committed to my family. While my loved pair seeks food to feed our precious future infants, I’m there focused on our currently expected successors. I usually stay there for about twenty-eight days looking forward to seeing our gorgeous firstborns. They’re usually three, but, unfortunately, one of them hardly ever survives. They’re very fragile. That’s why I chew the food and then I give it to them carefully. They demand a lot of care, but, after three devoting months, they can slowly start their journey though still with a little help.

After about six months, they’re a pair of show-offs, with their sociable charm, and attractive blue feathers—darker than the sky and lighter than the ocean. In fact, a unique blue in our boundless nature. To tell you the truth, we are all beautiful and naive, which explains how those bad giant creatures deceive us in a supposedly friendly way, and then chase us terribly and finally hunt us down and sell us in the depressing illegal market. It is hard to adapt to that, so, sadly we’re fading away.

I simply love eating. I spend about 14 hours per day eating and I sleep for 2 to 4 hours between my long meals. I am an omnivore. I eat grass, wild fruits, small animals, fish, and specially that delicious smooth, light and straight but strong plant, which accounts for 99% of my diet. I use my huge paws to hold my food and eat in a cute and lovely way. And, of course, I love walking barefoot. Because of my low-energy diet, I avoid stressful situations and exertion. I run away from danger and evade stronger competitors by climbing trees.

I am a good climber and I can also swim although I prefer the comfort of shallow slopes and solitary living, getting together only to mate. My temperament is most often docile. I rarely attack men or other animals, and, when coming across them, I prefer evasion. On the other hand, when it comes to my holy and untouchable cubs, I burst into rage at small things such as seeing by babies being watched by visitors. We give birth to one or two babies every two years and they stay with their moms for 18 months before venturing off on their own!

Unlike most others of my kind, I do not hibernate. When winter approaches, I head lower down my mountain homes to warmer temperatures. Lying on my stomach, stretching my paws and rolling up into a ball is something I often do, which makes everybody feel like cuddling me close. This big ebony and ivory furry body looks simply irresistible. Always popular, I have even been featured on the big screen—a blockbuster, needless to say!

You think I have a dismal look every time you look at me. I put it down to the shape of my lovely almond eyes. At an early age, I’m extremely cute; and I’m even cuter when I’m on the wrong side of fifty. But don’t be mistaken! Don’t let my cuteness deceive you. I can also be rather dangerous, so you’d better be careful when you’re around me. Word has it that, in ancient times, I was used as a weapon to kill people in rituals. They took advantage of the fact I was chubby—in fact, I still am… a lot.

Anyway, when it comes to my place, I can tell you those who have an adventurous heart dream of spending a night at my house one of these days. They might reckon such an enriching experience may certainly be a fairly curious story to share with their grandchildren. Once you find yourself here, in the middle of the night, you will be exposed to quite a number of unthinkable creatures living in a house, especially those creepy-crawly ones.
Another impressive aspect about me is that I’m commonly confused with a member of the Republican party; I have to confess I’m not thrilled to bits with this misunderstanding, but I’m getting used to it. Many a man has tried to kill me because I carry noble materials in me. Walruses and narwhals also carry similar materials, but hunters seem to prefer mine to theirs; I wonder why!

Some believe I’m nosy because I have a distinctive trunk, of which I make good use. When I sing, I enjoy doing so in a choir; accompanied by cheerful family members. It’s often stated that Alexander the Great owned an army of my kind. It was a great honor, for there is a respectful religion that considers me to be a sacred being. For you, I’m a great listener, a symbol of great strength and a bearer of remarkable memory. It’s important for you to know I’m very needy, which makes me hate being on my own, but, when I realize I’m a burden, I often seclude myself from the others. Another thing that gets me down is noticing I’m responsible for slowing down my whole family or anyone I care about, so I tend to get away from my beloved ones when I feel death is lurking around.

My body is so flexible that stretching my articulations is one of my favorite hobbies. My posture, as well as my body language, communicates my emotion and mood, and I will be docile, or fierce, depending on the way the world reacts around me. The truth is, I am not dumb and do not accept being mistreated, so, if you treat me well, I’ll be your company and return all your love and dedication to me. However, if you treat me badly, I can be your worst nightmare.

When I love you, I am kind and sweet but please do not try to carry me all the time, holding me like a baby or locking me forever in a closed place. I love fresh air and my freedom has to be considered when you adopt me. My secret is: I am able to love without suffocating you because I’m free and I let you free to love me too.

Besides, I can surprise you in many ways: I’m a hunter and very sensitive to sound. My hearing also acts as a direction finder, which is useful for hunting purposes. Definitely people as well as some other animals can’t listen better than me. In addition, my vision is pretty good too. I’m skillful—I can all sorts of movements such as walk, run, leap, jump, sometimes even crawl and stand up. You will never know what I am up to till you see it.

Unfortunately, people sometimes get me wrong saying bad things about me and referring to me using many negative adjectives. They don’t know what they say most of the time. Although they accuse me of being selfish, I swear I am not. Others may say I’m cold, self-seeking, lazy etc. It can be funny to hear that sometimes because many people don’t know that I only act according to my will. Consequently, I’m frequently misunderstood. They should do not judge me if I always look for comfortable places to live, or weather I think of myself first. I feel that should be their attitude too. The thing is, I’m only a mammal that needs your love and care, so love me or leave me!

My day is really long, looking for food and new places to settle down if any other species destroys our nests, but, close to the stunning sunsets, we’re back together in our skillfully-dug holes in at tree trunk. My life is amazing, I have freedom and I’m everywhere in a matter of seconds just like an arrow. It’s really exciting that I can see everything from high heights. Unfortunately, however, those giant creatures do not respect my existence, so I’m gradually becoming extinct.

When I’m about seven years old, I’ll probably have chosen my true love for life at this significant age. I’m very loyal and very committed to my family. While my loved pair seeks food to feed our precious future infants, I’m there focused on our currently expected successors. I usually stay there for about twenty-eight days looking forward to seeing our gorgeous firstborns. They’re usually three, but, unfortunately, one of them hardly ever survives. They’re very fragile. That’s why I chew the food and then I give it to them carefully. They demand a lot of care, but, after three devoting months, they can slowly start their journey though still with a little help.

After about six months, they’re a pair of show-offs, with their sociable charm, and attractive blue feathers—darker than the sky and lighter than the ocean. In fact, a unique blue in our boundless nature. To tell you the truth, we are all beautiful and naive, which explains how those bad giant creatures deceive us in a supposedly friendly way, and then chase us terribly and finally hunt us down and sell us in the depressing illegal market. It is hard to adapt to that, so, sadly we’re fading away.

I simply love eating. I spend about 14 hours per day eating and I sleep for 2 to 4 hours between my long meals. I am an omnivore. I eat grass, wild fruits, small animals, fish, and specially that delicious smooth, light and straight but strong plant, which accounts for 99% of my diet. I use my huge paws to hold my food and eat in a cute and lovely way. And, of course, I love walking barefoot. Because of my low-energy diet, I avoid stressful situations and exertion. I run away from danger and evade stronger competitors by climbing trees.

I am a good climber and I can also swim although I prefer the comfort of shallow slopes and solitary living, getting together only to mate. My temperament is most often docile. I rarely attack men or other animals, and, when coming across them, I prefer evasion. On the other hand, when it comes to my holy and untouchable cubs, I burst into rage at small things such as seeing by babies being watched by visitors. We give birth to one or two babies every two years and they stay with their moms for 18 months before venturing off on their own!

Unlike most others of my kind, I do not hibernate. When winter approaches, I head lower down my mountain homes to warmer temperatures. Lying on my stomach, stretching my paws and rolling up into a ball is something I often do, which makes everybody feel like cuddling me close. This big ebony and ivory furry body looks simply irresistible. Always popular, I have even been featured on the big screen—a blockbuster, needless to say!

I am very strong, and just because I am a little overweight and look fierce, one might mistakenly think I eat other animals, but no, I don’t; I am a peace-loving vegetarian, like a cow or a horse. But, please, do not think I am an elephant, we are very different, for example, I love being alone.

Even though I am a loner, I am like a Disney princess: a great friend of birds—you can almost always find them on top of me feeding off the annoying insects that eagerly insist on living on me. In fact, the latter is one of the reasons I love getting mucky, so when you see me, I might be cooling off in muddy pools… Of course, the other reason is the scorching sun of Africa or Asia, which could really burn me if I weren’t this thick-skinned, so I couldn’t care less if you don’t like my looks.

Because of my huge body—I can be as heavy as 30 men—I don’t have any natural predator. I am, however, an endangered species, mainly due to illegal poaching; you see, some people think my pointy horns have healing properties, so they kill me in order to sell them. In a clear attempt to prevent that from happening, some of you cut them out, and I am left hornless, which might, eventually, lead to my death anyway, as I cannot forage and defend myself and my calves any longer.

At this point, you already know I am not a puppy dog, but we do have some things in common: I am a mammal and I also mark my area, but in a more fun way: with poop. So, if you were thinking of taming me to make me your pet, I suggest you give it up. You will surely regret it.

My dear folks often call me Mr. Dark. I can say I am intelligent, and that I easily adapt almost everywhere I go, maybe because of the wide variety of things I commonly eat such as grains, insects, garbage and sometimes dead animals. In short, I eat nearly anything. I certainly prefer the unspoiled countryside to the big city, but most of my close or distant relatives are usually moving to the crowded regions. After all, in large urban areas, it is much easier to find food scraps carelessly left by ordinary humans and we do not constantly need to worry about our stealthy predator, the owl.

I do not have a smooth voice, but I normally love singing, and I just wonder why most people generally do not appreciate my original music. If you are curious about my precise habitat, you may find me or my loving family in different countries but hardly ever in South America—which is why you probably barely know me. In that particular region, you will certainly see my scavenger cousins around. They are bigger than me and I have heard people are not greatly fond of them over there.

I consider myself a nice guy, but I need to confess some weird facts about me. For instance, a group of people from my species is called murder. We are generally nice to each other, but for some unknown reasons, we also suddenly kill one another. Besides that, I am quite able to recognize those who have harmed me or my family, and if we find them, a bunch of us would surely chase this person, generally by attacking their heads or tidy hair while singing our beautiful music until they leave our area again.

My name is sometimes mentioned in famous novels and horror movies as in The Birds, which is considered a masterpiece, directed by the legendary Alfred Hitchcock. Not only did he like me, evil vampires were also my biggest fans. From time to time, my bosom friends and I are shown on tv, films, and cartoons, but more often than not, unfortunately, playing the bad guys or being rudely kicked out of cornfields. Even though I have this terrible bad reputation on big and small screens, I am definitely a huge fan of Hollywood, and my favorite actor will always be the brilliant, successful and talented actor Russel Crowe.

I’m the biggest and toughest of my cousins. Although I sadly figure as vulnerable in the endangered species list, ironically, there are no loud conservationists advocating for my preservation. They are way too busy saving the cute fluffy Panda bears. I really don’t understand the fuss about these lazy and inefficient creatures. From the evolutionary point of view, I am much stronger and biologically effective than they are. In fact, scientists claim I am a direct descendant of the gigantic beasts from the past. I’m talking dinosaurs here, man! How cool is that?

I guess the effeminate World Wildlife Fund (WWF) guys don’t fight for me because they have some kind of prejudice against my lethal toxic bite. I mean, since I’m an intimidating carnivore predator, toxic saliva can be quite practical to finish the prey off, don’t you think? I am a highly resourceful creature, so I think my magnificent bite deserves some credit.

In terms of diet, I gratefully eat pretty much everything that moves, including skinny birds and bland invertebrates, but I must confess that the deliciously savory deer is my mostly appreciated dish. I never did much like these stuck-up glamourous vegetarians who are always bragging about their fabulous looks and how Bambi is fantastically awesome – bleurgh! Admit it, Bambi! You just add meat to my menu! See? I can be pretty funny, too!

All right, some of my rather wacky and unpredictable buddies may also have eaten a few naïve humans, but that is mostly and tragically accidental. It was probably my uncle Benji. You see…we live up to thirty years so the poor old fellow has terrible eyesight. I guess he didn’t even realize that the old lady had become his dinner. But, mind you, just to prove how respectful and thoughtful I can be, I made him pray for his prey!

All in all, I think I’m a highly misunderstood creature who doesn’t deserve its fearsome reputation. I may be ugly and clumsy, but I am fun to be with once my belly is completely full. Be brave and come visit me in what’s left of the fantastic tropical forest in the remote Asian island where I live. After rampant deforestation, the careless humans have finally created a lousy National Park for me – a little too late, though, if you ask me…

Anyway, I’ll meet you at the gorgeous pristine Pink Beach, where I have been scaring even the most intimidating sailors since the 1900s. I’ll take you on a splendid tour deep in the majestic forest—just make sure you cautiously keep a safe distance from uncle Benji.

I do not have a smooth voice, but I normally love singing, and I just wonder why most people generally do not appreciate my original music. If you are curious about my precise habitat, you may find me or my loving family in different countries but hardly ever in South America—which is why you probably barely know me. In that particular region, you will certainly see my scavenger cousins around. They are bigger than me and I have heard people are not greatly fond of them over there.

I consider myself a nice guy, but I need to confess some weird facts about me. For instance, a group of people from my species is called murder. We are generally nice to each other, but for some unknown reasons, we also suddenly kill one another. Besides that, I am quite able to recognize those who have harmed me or my family, and if we find them, a bunch of us would surely chase this person, generally by attacking their heads or tidy hair while singing our beautiful music until they leave our area again.

My name is sometimes mentioned in famous novels and horror movies as in The Birds, which is considered a masterpiece, directed by the legendary Alfred Hitchcock. Not only did he like me, evil vampires were also my biggest fans. From time to time, my bosom friends and I are shown on tv, films, and cartoons, but more often than not, unfortunately, playing the bad guys or being rudely kicked out of cornfields. Even though I have this terrible bad reputation on big and small screens, I am definitely a huge fan of Hollywood, and my favorite actor will always be the brilliant, successful and talented actor Russel Crowe.

I have been at risk of extinction since English colonization. Nowadays my habitat is very far from Brazil although I live in the rainforest. The biggest problem I have been facing is deforestation, which means my habitat has become more and more reduced. Occasionally some animal handlers take care of me in appropriate parks, where I currently live, and this saves my life! Actually, this is the only reason I can still be found safe and sound. In the 20th century, I was hunted down because of my delicate and beautiful fur—I simply hate those poachers!

The delicious juicy leaf I eat makes up my balanced diet. I usually consume 400g of it every day, but, unfortunately, it is also disappearing from nature because the wood from its tree can be used as a source of energy. I tend to choose species of leaves that contain high protein and low fiber. How do I know? Because I am a very smart and charming animal. However, I am a bit antisocial because I commonly spend only 15 minutes a day on social behavior. I really like to be on my own. I´m slightly slow and I must save my energy. Consequently, I sleep about 20 hours a day. My name comes from an indigenous word “not drink” because I only occasionally drink water. You see, the leaves I eat both hydrate and feed me.

There are just about 80 thousand animals of my species in the ecosystem. When the temperature rises, I press my body onto a tree, so it cools me. I have a small head, a short snout, fluffy ears, and thick dense hair. My fur color varies from light grey to chocolate brown. As you may already have realized, I am a stocky herbivore mammal. When my babies are born—the size of a bean—they need time to be considered lovely; therefore, they carefully crawl into my pouch, where they can be kept warm and safe. They are also born blind with no ears or fur.

When my sweet babies reach about 9 months, they leave my pouch and are then able to grab at my back for transportation. At this age, they will finally learn how to climb the trees, and become almost ready for real life. There are some national reservation parks in my country where you can visit me, but please touching me with no permission is forbidden. There are always a couple of forest rangers taking care of me, so talk to them first, and they will help you hug me properly.

I guess the effeminate World Wildlife Fund (WWF) guys don’t fight for me because they have some kind of prejudice against my lethal toxic bite. I mean, since I’m an intimidating carnivore predator, toxic saliva can be quite practical to finish the prey off, don’t you think? I am a highly resourceful creature, so I think my magnificent bite deserves some credit.

In terms of diet, I gratefully eat pretty much everything that moves, including skinny birds and bland invertebrates, but I must confess that the deliciously savory deer is my mostly appreciated dish. I never did much like these stuck-up glamourous vegetarians who are always bragging about their fabulous looks and how Bambi is fantastically awesome – bleurgh! Admit it, Bambi! You just add meat to my menu! See? I can be pretty funny, too!

All right, some of my rather wacky and unpredictable buddies may also have eaten a few naïve humans, but that is mostly and tragically accidental. It was probably my uncle Benji. You see…we live up to thirty years so the poor old fellow has terrible eyesight. I guess he didn’t even realize that the old lady had become his dinner. But, mind you, just to prove how respectful and thoughtful I can be, I made him pray for his prey!

All in all, I think I’m a highly misunderstood creature who doesn’t deserve its fearsome reputation. I may be ugly and clumsy, but I am fun to be with once my belly is completely full. Be brave and come visit me in what’s left of the fantastic tropical forest in the remote Asian island where I live. After rampant deforestation, the careless humans have finally created a lousy National Park for me – a little too late, though, if you ask me…

Anyway, I’ll meet you at the gorgeous pristine Pink Beach, where I have been scaring even the most intimidating sailors since the 1900s. I’ll take you on a splendid tour deep in the majestic forest—just make sure you cautiously keep a safe distance from uncle Benji.

I do not have a smooth voice, but I normally love singing, and I just wonder why most people generally do not appreciate my original music. If you are curious about my precise habitat, you may find me or my loving family in different countries but hardly ever in South America—which is why you probably barely know me. In that particular region, you will certainly see my scavenger cousins around. They are bigger than me and I have heard people are not greatly fond of them over there.

I consider myself a nice guy, but I need to confess some weird facts about me. For instance, a group of people from my species is called murder. We are generally nice to each other, but for some unknown reasons, we also suddenly kill one another. Besides that, I am quite able to recognize those who have harmed me or my family, and if we find them, a bunch of us would surely chase this person, generally by attacking their heads or tidy hair while singing our beautiful music until they leave our area again.

My name is sometimes mentioned in famous novels and horror movies as in The Birds, which is considered a masterpiece, directed by the legendary Alfred Hitchcock. Not only did he like me, evil vampires were also my biggest fans. From time to time, my bosom friends and I are shown on tv, films, and cartoons, but more often than not, unfortunately, playing the bad guys or being rudely kicked out of cornfields. Even though I have this terrible bad reputation on big and small screens, I am definitely a huge fan of Hollywood, and my favorite actor will always be the brilliant, successful and talented actor Russel Crowe.

I am exactly like you, human beings… I evolved from tiny tiny germs way back before the frightening dinosaurs and grew steadily to what I am a long time ago and since then just stayed the same. I am very famous. Even the ancient prophets diplomatically made use of my intriguing name to discipline rebel human beings (proverbs 30:28). Although a few of my dear friends live in fresh water, most of us are often found in all terrestrial habitats on each continent and in different deceiving sizes. Some of us may live carefully for about twenty profitable years; however, most of my unlucky peers have a very short-lived life due to natural predators, deadly diseases, and unwanted parasites. Because of that, I prefer to live isolated in dark places where I feel more effectively protected.

I am very versatile, courageous, instinctive, frightening, and independent. I am powerful and contribute hugely to this gigantic planet. I can kill fast and die easily, too; however, I am able to heal through human´s hands when they decide to help me. Last but not least, I am a cleaner. How so? I am a cunning hunter who may use different strategic approaches to reach my easy targets. Even in the complete dark, when I cannot see properly, I manage to measure my potential victim and let my keen instincts guide me. Once I catch my prey, I will indulge myself till there is very little left, then I will wrap the leftovers up in a tiny pack and discreetly discard it, so you will not find any dirty traces from my meals in my house. Some people are unaccountably afraid of me. They should not, though. I fancy meat but not from the ugly large humans. It is scientifically proved that, to them, even only talking about me while driving breezily may cause serious accidents—failure to signal a turn and getting into collisions are some clear registered examples.

As you can see, I am very strong and self-sufficient. Although some of my companions are faster than I am, I do not need a mate to do things for me or even take care of me. I know how to use my precious muscles pretty well: I can build my cozy shelter, make my elaborate bed and protect my beloved offspring which I am so proud of. If you have not found out who I am yet, here are some helpful clues: I am the suggestive title of a famous movie and, besides all my rich attributes, I am very geeky, so you can meet me on the web. Just stick around…

The delicious juicy leaf I eat makes up my balanced diet. I usually consume 400g of it every day, but, unfortunately, it is also disappearing from nature because the wood from its tree can be used as a source of energy. I tend to choose species of leaves that contain high protein and low fiber. How do I know? Because I am a very smart and charming animal. However, I am a bit antisocial because I commonly spend only 15 minutes a day on social behavior. I really like to be on my own. I´m slightly slow and I must save my energy. Consequently, I sleep about 20 hours a day. My name comes from an indigenous word “not drink” because I only occasionally drink water. You see, the leaves I eat both hydrate and feed me.

There are just about 80 thousand animals of my species in the ecosystem. When the temperature rises, I press my body onto a tree, so it cools me. I have a small head, a short snout, fluffy ears, and thick dense hair. My fur color varies from light grey to chocolate brown. As you may already have realized, I am a stocky herbivore mammal. When my babies are born—the size of a bean—they need time to be considered lovely; therefore, they carefully crawl into my pouch, where they can be kept warm and safe. They are also born blind with no ears or fur.

When my sweet babies reach about 9 months, they leave my pouch and are then able to grab at my back for transportation. At this age, they will finally learn how to climb the trees, and become almost ready for real life. There are some national reservation parks in my country where you can visit me, but please touching me with no permission is forbidden. There are always a couple of forest rangers taking care of me, so talk to them first, and they will help you hug me properly.

I guess the effeminate World Wildlife Fund (WWF) guys don’t fight for me because they have some kind of prejudice against my lethal toxic bite. I mean, since I’m an intimidating carnivore predator, toxic saliva can be quite practical to finish the prey off, don’t you think? I am a highly resourceful creature, so I think my magnificent bite deserves some credit.

In terms of diet, I gratefully eat pretty much everything that moves, including skinny birds and bland invertebrates, but I must confess that the deliciously savory deer is my mostly appreciated dish. I never did much like these stuck-up glamourous vegetarians who are always bragging about their fabulous looks and how Bambi is fantastically awesome – bleurgh! Admit it, Bambi! You just add meat to my menu! See? I can be pretty funny, too!

All right, some of my rather wacky and unpredictable buddies may also have eaten a few naïve humans, but that is mostly and tragically accidental. It was probably my uncle Benji. You see…we live up to thirty years so the poor old fellow has terrible eyesight. I guess he didn’t even realize that the old lady had become his dinner. But, mind you, just to prove how respectful and thoughtful I can be, I made him pray for his prey!

All in all, I think I’m a highly misunderstood creature who doesn’t deserve its fearsome reputation. I may be ugly and clumsy, but I am fun to be with once my belly is completely full. Be brave and come visit me in what’s left of the fantastic tropical forest in the remote Asian island where I live. After rampant deforestation, the careless humans have finally created a lousy National Park for me – a little too late, though, if you ask me…

Anyway, I’ll meet you at the gorgeous pristine Pink Beach, where I have been scaring even the most intimidating sailors since the 1900s. I’ll take you on a splendid tour deep in the majestic forest—just make sure you cautiously keep a safe distance from uncle Benji.

I do not have a smooth voice, but I normally love singing, and I just wonder why most people generally do not appreciate my original music. If you are curious about my precise habitat, you may find me or my loving family in different countries but hardly ever in South America—which is why you probably barely know me. In that particular region, you will certainly see my scavenger cousins around. They are bigger than me and I have heard people are not greatly fond of them over there.

I consider myself a nice guy, but I need to confess some weird facts about me. For instance, a group of people from my species is called murder. We are generally nice to each other, but for some unknown reasons, we also suddenly kill one another. Besides that, I am quite able to recognize those who have harmed me or my family, and if we find them, a bunch of us would surely chase this person, generally by attacking their heads or tidy hair while singing our beautiful music until they leave our area again.

I am exactly like you, human beings… I evolved from tiny tiny germs way back before the frightening dinosaurs and grew steadily to what I am a long time ago and since then just stayed the same. I am very famous. Even the ancient prophets diplomatically made use of my intriguing name to discipline rebel human beings (proverbs 30:28). Although a few of my dear friends live in fresh water, most of us are often found in all terrestrial habitats on each continent and in different deceiving sizes. Some of us may live carefully for about twenty profitable years; however, most of my unlucky peers have a very short-lived life due to natural predators, deadly diseases, and unwanted parasites. Because of that, I prefer to live isolated in dark places where I feel more effectively protected.

I am very versatile, courageous, instinctive, frightening, and independent. I am powerful and contribute hugely to this gigantic planet. I can kill fast and die easily, too; however, I am able to heal through human´s hands when they decide to help me. Last but not least, I am a cleaner. How so? I am a cunning hunter who may use different strategic approaches to reach my easy targets. Even in the complete dark, when I cannot see properly, I manage to measure my potential victim and let my keen instincts guide me. Once I catch my prey, I will indulge myself till there is very little left, then I will wrap the leftovers up in a tiny pack and discreetly discard it, so you will not find any dirty traces from my meals in my house. Some people are unaccountably afraid of me. They should not, though. I fancy meat but not from the ugly large humans. It is scientifically proved that, to them, even only talking about me while driving breezily may cause serious accidents—failure to signal a turn and getting into collisions are some clear registered examples.

As you can see, I am very strong and self-sufficient. Although some of my companions are faster than I am, I do not need a mate to do things for me or even take care of me. I know how to use my precious muscles pretty well: I can build my cozy shelter, make my elaborate bed and protect my beloved offspring which I am so proud of. If you have not found out who I am yet, here are some helpful clues: I am the suggestive title of a famous movie and, besides all my rich attributes, I am very geeky, so you can meet me on the web. Just stick around…